WIthout a Trace, Colors Bleed

What if I told you that what has been going on hasn’t been strange for the sake of strangeness, but rather a deliberate shoestring of messages. What if I told you that breadcrumbs were being laid down for me, and I wouldn’t know what they were. What if I told you that the police came to my door and asked me what I knew about medium duty trucks and South America. I’d say I didn’t know anything and that it’s a strangely specific question.

A certain Tom Nehl wants to know where one of his truck went. A certain barrel and drum company what did he do want to know why ten of their steel drums have been associated with an event that was criminal. The police would like to know why I bought products that would change someone’s appearance without making a note of the situation.

My brother has discontinued his phone service; he sent one last text message that said “Love ya” to both my parents and me. Nobody knows anything, we are all off the grid on what happened and for good reason, we are virtually unaccountable because we don’t know anything. I’m sort of in financial trouble because now I’m in for ten steel drums with a company, but I’m not supposed to pay for it yet. Because of the nature of the incident we are not allowed to speak about what happened but he might be directly responsible for what happened to them, and if I pay for them technically I would be responsible, and nobody wants that.

My parents are shocked to discover this news undoubtedly, but unfortunately, there is not a lot that we can do to fix it. We don’t know if or what he did wrong, but we know that he found it necessary to leave the country. I just hope that he’s healthy and safe, in other news, though, I still have a business to run.

where is the devilIn other, similarly awful news, I have finished a game of thrones and am now making my way through DareDevil. This show is awesome, I’ve seen the hallway scene and nobody told me The Punisher was going to be in season 2, that is an amazing surprise! The first season was just so good, and then the Punisher just brings everything to 11!

My other favorite part has to be the fact that the Kingpin is such a great villain. He is so well done, I just wish people would call him kingpin cause everyone just keeps calling him Fisk, and it’s kind of annoying. Like I understand that people are not going to call him kingpin all the time, but just once would be great. And I hope that we get a more full costume this season because it took a long time for the costume reveal in the first season. Outside of that, though,

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Whats in a name

You know, there are a lot of things in life that we can’t control. I can’t control the weather or the way I feel when I stub my toe. I can get irrationally angry that I hurt my foot, but it’s not the doors fault, and I suppose you could say it is my fault, but it doesn’t change how I feel at the moment.

There are just some things in life that happen, that you cannot control, but it still upsets us. They are out of our hands, we cannot control them because they are already going to happen, but it still sucks. So when I get a giant envelope today followed shortly by a string of phone calls, I get upset. Why of course not, why would I order ten steel drums? I don’t know, but maybe if my name were Benny, I would be able to understand.

You see my jerk brother thought it would be a great deal to start this large contract with YBDCO, and  It's their faultapparently my information got put in instead of his. That’s what confuses me the most, is how wrong do you have to be to put my information in instead of his. I’m beginning to think he’s doing it on purpose to mess with me because there’s no way that I would order ten steel drums for whatever reason that may be.

something like thisWhatever, I’m not upset at him. I’m upset at Game of Thrones. I’ve almost finished season 3 and I just don’t know if I’m going to keep watching, they keep getting rid of everyone that I love. I’m so upset and a little bit traumatized right now. IT’s a great show I just don’t know if I can keep watching this. I love the show but the show does not love me back, and I don’t know if I should subject myself to it.

Anyway, I did end up starting DareDevil, and it is a pretty sweet show so far, lots of combat, lots of blood and that’s pretty cool. Not often can you really explore the theme and idea as you can in Daredevil and I keep hearing about his hallway scene but I haven’t got there just yet, but man am I excited about it. It looks like it’s shaping up to be a great show and I cannot wait to begin it.

In other news, the rest of my life is just going on as usual. My parents are still losing weight; my brother is acting extremely weird, and I’m still working at the comic shop. We are trying to see if we can organize for any authors to come in and sign or something, but it’s probably not going to happen, the only person available is Daniel Way, and I feel like the Deadpool fans there wouldn’t respond fondly to his presence.

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Curiosity abroad

super hero?Okay, holy crap, I’ve been binging Game of Thrones so hard, I’m not jumping onto the THIRD season, and this show is crazy! There are so many backstabbings, sometimes literally. But there is so much confidence, power, double crosses, espionage. It’s amazing. This show is amazing, and I highly recommend it to anyone.

Another show that I might start DareDevil, everyone keeps telling me to watch that too and while I’m not usually fond of the blind superhero personally; this sounds like a genuinely brilliant show and concept. The way that they are shooting it and keeping with the dark tones and the black world is amazing. But, I’ll have to check it out, I might look at Arrow or Jessica Jones first.

Another TV show people keep telling me to watch is The 100, despite what I just said about Arrow I just don’t like watching CW shows that much. I like the sci-fi genre a lot and I’m afraid that most shows can’t capture the dispair that comes with a lot of great science fiction, but I just don’t like that they keep shoehorning in all of this teenage drama into it.

It just breaks the world. How am I supposed to believe that you are going to colonize a planet and have it up and running with 100 teenagers? Are you kidding me? You are just begging to have a bunch of plot holes and contrivances, what if they get injured or die? Why not just send 100 trained and intelligent fully grown humans? Wouldn’t that make more sense?

Or is it trying to be a sci-fi version of Battle Royale? I’m not upset with that; that would be a great idea undoubtedly but not on CW. You can’t even pass a TV-Ma on that channel, why would you even try to capture an idea as big as that on a station that can’t fully explore the darker themes that it is prepared to expose. The CW is trying to sprint a marathon, and while it may look interesting at first, you begin to realize that it will burn itself out and not be able to complete it at all. That’s my two cents worth anyway.

In other news, my brother has been acting weird for me. He asked for me to meet with someone from a hair extensions place down here. But it was all very strange the way he phrased it and posed it as a question; it almost sounded like he was desperate. Plus he was asking for something I didn’t even know about, so I decided to research it.like this

He asked for tape in hair extensions. Why would he want that, these things go in your hair, are taped to the hair and modify the hair length so that it looks like you have different or more hair on your head.

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enough with the locksmiths, please.

Someone thought it would be funny to bombard my phone with messages after last weeks post. Now everybody in the 305 Area Code, thinks that I am looking for a ‘miami beach locksmith.’ Their words, not mine. Every single time, and I keep saying that I want them to unlock their life!

I happened upon an interesting question earlier today that I think would be really interesting to expand upon. If you were walking down the street and saw someone and acknowledged them would you give them the first bump?

Like if you saw a random person and they initiated the fist bump I would neve My parents dietr leave them hanging, that’s just bad juju. I think it’s never a good feeling to leave people out, everyone wants to be part of something and that sort of inclusive reactions could help make the world a happier place. I think it’s a great idea and would like to start something to help that.

In other news my parents have officially gone off the deep end because they literaly sent me a picture of a meat sandwich. I don’t mean a sandwich in which there is simply bread and meat, but bread made of meat with meat in between. Apparently they deep fried steaks and then made a chicken sandwich out of it. It sounds completely bizarre but they assure me that it is healthy and that they’ve never felt better. I on the other hand received a sudden bout of illness shortly after the entire conversation.

My brother finally gave me a call adn told me where he was and I told him that I already knew becasue of the locksmith which contributed to him telling me that there are locksmiths much closer, to which I told him that I was very much aware of that at this given point in time. IT was good to hear from him, I’ve been feeling kind of out of whack lately in his absence.

AYUHlso, I’ve continued watching the Game of Thrones, it is a fanstastic show and I recommend everyone watch it. Wow, the emotional roller coaster that I went through in the last few episodes alone are enough to have me completely hooked. I mean it too, I am completely hooked on this show and I don’t know if I will ever be able to watch Lord of the Rings after this. IT’s just so human but so impossible at the same time.

What a fantastic bunch of chatacters to follow. I’m now completely team Danaerys, she’s amazing and a powerful female character and that’s refreshing on a setting that usually aims for monarchy and patriarchy specifically. But it also handles it in a way that doesn’t really ‘shame’ the viewer. You know how sometimes you feel bad for watching things because of,

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A bizarre phone call.

So, I’m working today at my job at the comic book store, and I receive a strange phone call. I pick up, like I would because I get paid to and hear a scratchy voice asking “Did you call a residential locksmith?” I respond “No, I don’t think I’ve ever used either of those two words in a sentence ever.”

I look around, trying to see if there’s a snickering jokester, there isn’t. Just a lot of concerned faces and exposed buttcracks. So I retort “I’m sorry, who is this?” “Dallas Locksmith.”

“Do you know that the number you dialed is in Florida?” “No, I just know that I need to talk to a Mr.Atkins.”

“Barry Atkins?” “No, I’m looking for Benny Atkins.” “What’s my brother doing in Dallas?” “I don’t know; I’m just trying to help him get back into his house.”

Then he hung up! Rude. This is bizarre to me that my brother would move to Texas and get locked out of his place. This whole situation is weird. But, anyway, I hope is all good with him, I haven’t had the chance to call him, mainly because I’m lazy, and I don’t care that much.

kill him firstAnyway, I started Game of Thrones, and it’s pretty good so far, we’re following this guy named Ed, but it’s Ned, but his full name is Eddard. That’s probably the most confusing part of the whole series so far, keeping up with the various nicknames that people can have in this world. There’s one guy called Kingslayer, that one, however, is not very hard to figure out the meaning. He might be my favorite even though he’s a bad guy. It’s hard to tell on this show I guess. But, I’m only about half way through the season. Let’s hope that it gets good cause now it’s playing out as being rather tame so far.

srslyMY parents keep sending me pictures of steaks and then telling me how much weight they’ve lost so far. It’s all very confusing to keep up with so far, but it is pretty amazing that they’re losing weight while essentially disposing of the world of several cows a week. It’s just kind of a funny situation. I suppose you never can be too old to figure out new things to do with your life.

It’s made me wonder; I’m 28 right now. I remember how weird it was that I started to feel upset a few weeks ago, but now I just have such a about me. I just don’t care about anything. And I mean anything. I just like waking up and then coming here to the store. Oh yeah, I started typing these at the comic shop, I think one day I might end up taking a selfie of the place, so everyone knows what’s up and what it looks like.

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An even bigger fish in need of frying

post hearth Final update on my brother. He is indeed moving elsewhere, he is not going to Alabama ‘but somewhere near it.’ apparently this deal is so secretive that he is not allowed to disclose information but he gave me some sort of keyword. He told me ‘Hardie Siding‘ and which I immediately thought he was talking about the hardy boys. I still have no idea what he is talking about though.

IN other less interesting news, I’m still at the comic shop. Apparently, I need to catch up on this show called Game of thrones. It does sound like something I’ll be into, but I don;t know if it’s going to be better than Lord of the rings, that’s the only concern I have so far. Though I am pretty excited to try something out that’s new at this point.

I haven’t spoken to my mother in a while, but she said that her and dad started this new diet. It’s pretty cool and they thought it’d be funny because everyone mistakes us for the person who created it. Not by appearance of course but because our last name is Atkins. So they figured if that guy was smart enough to have a last name like ours he might know a  thing or two

Seeing as how they’ve had steak 3 times this week it sounds like a great diet, if not a little expensive. However my biggest thing is I’m afraid of not really knowing the ins and outs, there’s a big section about not eating carbohydrates and I just don’t know enough about nutrition to know what a carb is. It’s all very confusing.

not reallyAs for me, I think I’m pretty fit, I think I’m okay and I’m going to have a pretty good time keeping the weight down. I don’t really work out but I stand  around a lot. And I mean a lot, I stand around as much as I sleep and that’s pretty much my entire life. The most activity I’ve had in the last few weeks was when I had to break up a fight at the place because somebody was certain the other was cheating. Which ended up being justified because the person was.

This is why I don’t play yu-gi-oh, it just is too stupid and gets a rise out of people too much. I do like playing Hearthstone though, it’s a shame because I’ll play it at work and pretty much spend my check as I’m getting it in getting boosters and skins and it’s a huge time sink. But oh man is it fun, if I could somehow go pro at that, I totally would. Sometimes I wonder if my life is like a common era tavern brawl. But I’m not getting into it the same way I was into World of warcraft.

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The spread of homes

I received some interesting news earlier today. I found out that my brother is now going to be part of a really big merger that has to remain under wraps. I won’t exactly name the company, but I will say that it has to do with Alabama real estatecards

This is really great news for him because he may be moving to new and wonderful locations. I don’t know if he would be moving to Alabama per se, it’s a little bit strange for either of us to be living there  but he is excited about the new horizons. I think it’s great, he gets to move far and away from here. If only I could follow suit too. But I think I need to start looking at things more positively.

I think that’s the real core of my problem. I don’t ever give thanks enough for the things that I have. I always make it seem like I’m upset but I do have a pretty great life. I get to hang out all day and talk about comic books while making great money. Whenever there is an emergency it’s nothing more that somebody knocking over a display or possibly spilling a soda somewhere.

It’s not that bad, I get to dictate my own hours, I always get as much as I want and then when I’m ready to go home I usually end up doing the same thing anyway. So I’ll clear about 60 hours a week doing everything that I love to do. All I have to do is just be cool about the situation. There’s talk of expansion with our store you know? I could end up moving to Alabama in a little bit or moving up or managing two stores, it all depends on the owner.

He seems like the kind of fella who would really enjoy the sort of rapid expansion. He loves to talk about how when he was little his family brought him to America and how his mother would always take the time and money to buy him a comic book. And I’m talking like one of the OG comics. Some of the displays he has in the store are original printings from the seventies. This is a man who loves his comic books, he actually reminds me of Mr.Glass from the moving unbreakablemacrophages

We regularly will screen that moving in October, to get people ready for the transition to scary comic books time which is a fan favorite. It’s such a fantastic piece of filmmaking. Not because of the perfect way they handled superheroes but purely because of how they handled Bruce Willis’ character. To think that he lived his entire life not knowing that he had the powers and capabilities to do amazing things. If it wasn’t for Mr.Glass, he might have never been able to know his true potential.

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Injected a thought into someone else

VirusSo mom and dad invaded my personal space again today. They came into the comic shop and struck up conversations with people abour whether or not Archie is better off with Betty or Veronica. The amount of eye rolling and scorn I received from my peers and customers was legendary. I understand that they try really hard to be a part of my life and to understand what I’m going through, but really I just wish they would do it from a distance or something. Seriously.

By the way, they got me and my brother Benny mixed up again. How is that even possible? We’re like ten years apart! What is up with that? And you know what else too? They’re trying to get me a job working with them? I may not be extremely happy in my current work situation but at least I got the job on my own and without their help. “It’d be very easy, all you would have to do is make sure to take all the calls correctly and make sure the surgical instruments are properly cleaned.” Makes me feel like a maid.

No offense if you happen to be a maid, it’s a respectable position and all that, but it’s just not for me. I don’t want them to leave me alone like I want to be alone. I don’t want companionship either, I want camaraderie. I just seek the types of friendships that would endure. I want a bucky to my Captain America. It might seem trivial at first but he later became Winter Soldier after all. It’s just I feel like there’s no one who would be able to listen and understand what I’m working with and dealing with. I feel like no one would really get me like me, I wish there was another me that I can relate to.

dice I wish there was a future me who came from the future to tell me how to fix all of these tiny problems. I wish there was a future me who would tell me that “I totally get everything you’re going through, and I promise we handled it pretty well.” I don’t even want to be the future me, I just want to know that things get better. That there is a future in which I happen to be in it, because right now I feel like I could just fade away like sand and the world wouldn’t notice. At least ant hills have ants in them, I’m just dust right now.

I’m probably just being a whiny brat. I feel like my parents are seeping their way into my life even if they aren’t personally invading my space. Too often I’ll think something and feel like they injected it straight into my brain convincing me that it was my thought all along. A moving, six-foot virus coming to make me feel like I’m not me.

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Apoptosis

comic books My brother recently came down for a visit, and it was nice to see him for the time being. He doesn’t come around often, but when he does, he loves talking shop with the regulars at the cafe. He doesn’t live in South Florida anymore. He lives in North Florida after he graduated high school and began working for a construction company.

He graduated from UF with a degree in social engineering and ended up with the job of someone who studies value engineering. He is doing a lot better than me, and I am really happy I got to see him. Most of the time it’s hard for either of us to be able to see each other but every couple of months we make a big effort actually to be in each others presence.

This isn’t to say that we don’t talk, we just usually spend our time playing games together and doing that sort of thing. But he does like coming down and bombarding my cafe with drinks and arguments about who would win in a fight between the hulk and wolverine. He thinks the Hulk is greatly overpowered and wouldn’t be able to regenerate from being cleaved to bits. It’s adamantium for christ sake you can’t change that.

But lately, things have been a little bit weird; we’ve both just been stagnating. Neither of us has really begun doing what we want to do, but we have ended up in professions that both yield great stability and reward for both of us. While we aren’t necessarily complaining it is not what we sought out to do when we left home for the first time. Only real difference between us is that he can avoid mom and dad for as long as they don’t like traveling north while I’m just sort of pinned down here.david and goliath

I can only go so far because if the shop needs me, who are they going to go to? I need to be accessible and available after all. And I’m not ungrateful or anything; I just wish that maybe I could get my foot in the door somewhere else. But it’s hard to move when you’re carrying the weight of business on your back and nobody can helm the place that has helped you so much in the meantime. It’s just such a strange time.

My brother once offered me a job you know. Its weird because I told him, no, but I always wonder what would have happened if I took it. Would I be writing this same blog but complaining about different problems? It’s hard to tell how much of it is me being unhappy with the workplace versus me unhappy with the world as it is right now.

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Hello!

Hollywood Hey there! I’m Barry, and this is my blog. I live in Miami, and I love it down here. I work for a small Cafe in Hollywood. A lot of gamers come in there, so you get all sorts of conversation. But it always feels sort of one-sided to me. So I started this blog where I can just have my thoughts and have anyone listen to me if they want to. Sometimes it’s hard being able to connect with people, and while conversations tend to be about back and forth, this one is less of dialogue and more of a monolog.

Anyway, I like my job; I have a degree in Biology. Like an idiot, I thought that I would just be able to walk out of college and immediately be able to start working with cells. My friend Adam went on to work for a cell company immediately and it always kind of scarred me. I feel like I put in just as much work as he did, and somehow he ended up with the job. Granted he put in more lab hours than me and wrote his thesis on stem cells when I was writing mine on daughter t cells.

So while I like my job, I just feel like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing you know? I feel like I should be out doing something else, something better. I want to cure cancer or fight AIDS, and here I am discussing whether or not Captain Marvel vs. Iron Man is in anyway a reasonable successor to the original Civil War. It isn’t, but that’s beside the point.

I just feel like we were all raised in this generation thinking we were going to do great things when I feel like there is nothing great to do. It’s hard to stay motivated to apply when all of the jobs keep getting scooped up by other people. It’s hard to feel like I’m contributing to my society when they clearly are more interested in in-fighting than exploring dangerous and exciting subjects.biology

I feel like we need to work harder and change the world around us. I think like the world that right now needs to be changed and I feel like the only way to do that is to get to people, and I can’t get to people unless I do something with my words. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to change the world with my silly blog, but maybe one of you readers will be able to understand where I’,m coming from and be able to relate or make the changes that I can’t.

This blog is my message to the world from my little island in my mind. If you feel the same way, if you feel like there need to be changed, give me an e-mail.

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