So mom and dad invaded my personal space again today. They came into the comic shop and struck up conversations with people abour whether or not Archie is better off with Betty or Veronica. The amount of eye rolling and scorn I received from my peers and customers was legendary. I understand that they try really hard to be a part of my life and to understand what I’m going through, but really I just wish they would do it from a distance or something. Seriously.
By the way, they got me and my brother Benny mixed up again. How is that even possible? We’re like ten years apart! What is up with that? And you know what else too? They’re trying to get me a job working with them? I may not be extremely happy in my current work situation but at least I got the job on my own and without their help. “It’d be very easy, all you would have to do is make sure to take all the calls correctly and make sure the surgical instruments are properly cleaned.” Makes me feel like a maid.
No offense if you happen to be a maid, it’s a respectable position and all that, but it’s just not for me. I don’t want them to leave me alone like I want to be alone. I don’t want companionship either, I want camaraderie. I just seek the types of friendships that would endure. I want a bucky to my Captain America. It might seem trivial at first but he later became Winter Soldier after all. It’s just I feel like there’s no one who would be able to listen and understand what I’m working with and dealing with. I feel like no one would really get me like me, I wish there was another me that I can relate to.
I wish there was a future me who came from the future to tell me how to fix all of these tiny problems. I wish there was a future me who would tell me that “I totally get everything you’re going through, and I promise we handled it pretty well.” I don’t even want to be the future me, I just want to know that things get better. That there is a future in which I happen to be in it, because right now I feel like I could just fade away like sand and the world wouldn’t notice. At least ant hills have ants in them, I’m just dust right now.
I’m probably just being a whiny brat. I feel like my parents are seeping their way into my life even if they aren’t personally invading my space. Too often I’ll think something and feel like they injected it straight into my brain convincing me that it was my thought all along. A moving, six-foot virus coming to make me feel like I’m not me. Causing me to be a copy of something I should have been a long time ago but am no more.